Chapter 1
Have you ever been so tired that you have trouble maintaining conscious thought, like so many latent jellybeans traipsing through puddles on the forested moon of Quinsor? Well, that is how it all started. I was stranded on a mole who was busy traveling through space on a Tran galactic space liner to the fourth planet of the Steaw Rar system. The trip had been long and bumpy as the mole was prone to eating his way through asteroid belts and small planetoids. This wouldn’t have been so much of a problem except for the rats that kept drinking too much Belgian ale. You see, it was the rats who were piloting the space liner and they largely went where the mole told them to, partly out of fear and partly out of insobriety. This had gone on for several weeks, and the bumping and crashing of the space liner into various pieces of debris for the mole to eat was just getting a little too much for me to sleep through, and my nerves had been already frayed to their wired ends.
I had tried on several occasions to obtain some of the Belgian ale only to find it highly caffeinated, when I was finally able to acquire and drink some. It was no wonder that those rats never slept. As for the mole, I couldn’t fathom either his lack of sleep or his ability to eat such large quantities of the various forms of debris he came across in space. It did make him quite large, however, so my accommodations were not overly uncomfortable. I only wish I had other fleas to accompany me on this most urgent of missions…. A nice female would have been perfect but it would probably have let us into trouble. As it stood, I had another 3 weeks with this group before I could meet my contact and find out the specifics of my mission.
The flea corps had been used for years in the area of gathering intelligence for the Galactic Hedgemon, and although there was some rivalry early on between the flea corps and the fly corps, they eventually learned to get along with each other, each corps making the best use of it’s abilities, and complimenting the other in gathering intelligence data. Unfortunately the ride to Steaw Rar had little if any data and the crew had no obvious intelligence. Just the inconceivable bump and grind of the space liner as it ate its way through space.
Chapter 2
We finally arrived at the spaceport. The last part of the trip had been fairly traumatic for everyone involved. The area around the star system had been cleared of debris as part of a stellar environmental group’s successful lobbying. The mole that I was riding was enraged with his lack of food and went on a rampage and started eating everything in sight from the ship’s accommodations to the crew. After nearly a week of intense fighting the mole was finally taken down by the sole remaining member of the crew using a gummy worm and a stick. Unfortunately for the rat, there was little Belgian ale left and he suffered from a frightful hangover that lasted for the rest of the trip. Fortunately the rat didn’t know that I had made him my new home or I may have suffered a greater wrath than I could have imagined.
Our arrival caused quite a commotion at the space port as people saw what was left of our yellow space liner come in like a piece of Swiss cheese on a soggy cracker. I jumped off at the first opportunity, the crowd taking little notice of me, and made my way to a local flea market. I normally didn’t care much for the selling and buying of fleas, but in this case, I needed the companionship and purchased a nice looking female named Lila. She knew the city fairly well and directed us to a decent hotel. After we chatted a bit about little things like dust mites, pollen and such, we headed towards an old sea dog for a drink and dinner. I don’t generally like sea dog very much since they smell like fish and tend to scratch a lot, but it was the only thing I felt was strong enough to get rid of the smell of Belgian ale and rats out of my mind. We then headed back to our hotel where I started a nice blood bath to help relax and then headed off to bed.
I woke early the next morning where I got on a pink and lavender cat who took me to the cesspit where I was to meet my contact. Rats were everywhere amongst the bubbling and gurgling sewage of the city. For some reason they seemed to enjoy this part of town most. The old tavern I headed to was built from the debris of the city and nearly falling apart. It was painted pink and blue with green trim and had a large black door, a sight that nearly hurt the brain as much as one’s eyes to see it. Oddly enough it was considered one of the finer establishments in the area. Inside yellow striped peppermints served food and drinks to the customers, and sometimes served customers to other larger customers. In the back corner I found my contact, an old dung beetle with large green mandibles. He wore a gold foil turtle neck and a necklace of small red flowers. We exchanged code words as I sat down at his table.
We sat at the table watching lemon drops do the mamba and wontons do a short dance before being eaten by a hungry ant eater. This was followed by great applause from a table of worker ants who were taking a break from their daily toils.
“How was your trip?” asked the beetle as he looked into his swill.
“I learned not to travel with moles on space liners. At least we made it here.” I replied, and continued to tell him the whole story.
“You were lucky to make it off alive.”
“Yes. Very.” The swill at this place wasn’t very appealing to the likes of me, but I guess that my comrade enjoyed it quite a bit. It was largely composed of fermented sewage mixed with beer. Just the kind of drink a dung beetle would enjoy.
We chatted for awhile about everything from my trip to the fortunate turn of events of the ants. While we talked, he handed me a portfolio. The talk turned to models and fashions as I opened it and went through some of the contents of the portfolio. My target was a tall slender book worm named Mimi who worked at the local library. She wore a tight fitting red dress that held her figure quite well. Apparently she somehow got involved in a cantaloupe smuggling ring and I was to use her to find out who the leader was. I thanked the dung beetle and made my way to the library.
The city was amok with noise and people. I hopped on several creatures along the way to help speed my trip and perhaps gain some useful information. The first was a baboon who was going to the courthouse to acquire the various permits needed to die his hair pink and insert permanent cybertronic implants into various parts of his body.
My next ride was a red and white polka-dotted cat named Manix who talked to himself incessantly about some flowers that sang opera and bees who drank cans of Xeon Cola rather than honey or nectar. Apparently they had made quite an impact on him for he seemed to have lost large portions of his sanity. “Bees shouldn’t be going around looking for cans of Xeon Cola.” He would start, “Especially not is such large quantities. It makes them all loopy. God only knows what they might do….”.
~~\v/~~
Xeon cola is the most powerful energy drink in the know universe. A single drop is enough to keep a person running at full speed for over a week. When hooked up to a power grid, a case of the foamy beverage, can power and entire city indefinitely. While there have been no proven cases of any negative effects from drinking Xeon Cola, there is the potential for addiction in some creature. Dispite this, Xeon Cola has not been regulated, except in the case of military purposes. In 2389 the Pax-Xeon treaty was signed and Xeon cola was prevented from being used in warheads by the addition of an annulling agent that made it so that cans of the beverage could never explode no matter how they were handled. Unfortunately it was too late for the people of planet Zaeros who used Xeon Cola for their many frat parties and in the great fraternity war that eventually destroyed their planet.
~~/^\~~
My next ride was an old basset hound on his way to the town of Lemont. Fortunately this took him next to the library where I jumped off.
~~\v/~~
The town of Lemont is quite unusual in a number of ways. For some unknown reason, the people there had refused to believe in gravity for so long that gravity actually ceased to exist within its borders. This proved to be a great boon for those who were prone to falling, and when it became public knowledge, these people move to Lemont in droves. It is also interesting to note that the people of Lemont are some of the most clumsy to exist anywhere in the known universe.
~~/^\~~
I entered the library on the back of a large bore who wished to read books on the grooming habits of raccoons.
Chapter 3
The library was quiet, clean and orderly, a stark contrast to the city outside. I wondered around for awhile looking through miscellaneous books, news papers and such, always keeping an eye for my target. At last I saw her, a vision of sultriness and beauty. She wore a tight fitting red outfit that outlined her like a knife.
She looked innocent enough, putting a stack of books on the library shelves. As she worked a bee buzzed over to her and asked for a book. The book was conveniently located on one of the stacks she was working on. Soon after another bee came over asked for a book, which she handed to him from the same stack. The process repeated several times until at last the stack was gone. I casually followed the last bee over to a series of cubicles. I watched as he opened the book, took out a piece of paper, read it, waded it up threw it into the trash, closed the book and left.
After I made sure that the bees had left, I went over and looked through the cubicle. The book was on spelling. I went through the trash and found the note that the bee had thrown out. On it was a single word, delivery. I went to the other cubes and retrieved their notes as well, again finding a single word on each piece of paper: Delivery, Eleven, At, SS, Tonight, Cola, Of, Xeon, Princess, To and Vai.
I placed the notes in my portfolio and wondered back to the inn, riding on a yellow striped llama. When I got to my room, I laid out the pieces of paper and arranged them until they read: Delivery Of Xeon Cola To Princess Vai Tonight At Eleven. Who was Pricess Vai and what whas she doing with a shipment of Xeon cola? I phoned my friend the beetle and setup an appointment for the next day. Lila came in shortly after. She was dressed in a pink negligee. Apparently it was time I spent some time with her. I ordered a bottle of blood wine, and we settled in for the rest of the evening.
Chapter 4
The bar was as filthy as ever and the morning sun did nothing to help the sight of it. Greasy pop tarts were serving a variety of oozes, lemon pies and alcoholic beverages to the many patrons who managed to be awake so soon after dawn. The old dung beetle sat in the back corner, a couple of cockroaches sitting on his lap. He dismissed his mistresses when he noticed I had entered, and cleared the table for our meeting.
He was a wily old beetle, who hid a kind of brilliance under a cover of filth and debris, with a little debauchery thrown in for good effect. The contacts and information he made from a place like this had to be invaluable.
He took my portfolio, looked at it briefly, and handed it back. He sat back with his hands behind his head and thought for a couple minutes. “The only Princess Vai I am aware of is an old space liner in the warehouse district. I believe that the answer you are looking for lies there…. Come back tonight and we will take a bit of a walk to see what we can find.”
Chapter 5
I met the old beetle behind the inn. He had an old charcoal and black Tanager with him. On his head was a curious device of wires, antennae and lenses. They were attached to a pair of highly complex goggles, that did who only knows what. Several additional wires came from the back of his head and attached themselves to the goggles and the device. “This is my friend Tarkazod. He is going to fly us in and hopefully back out again.”
The Tanger just gave a wry smile. I knew this was going to be in interesting ride. “Climb aboard my bedowerkerz.” He winked. He carefully pulled down the goggles. I jumped on the back of our new companion, while the beetle carefully climbed onto his back. “Hang on my bedowerkerz.” He called back to us, and we immediately took flight.
We had to hang on for dear life as the tanger swooped and spun through the alleys and the sky. Behind me the old beetle hung on with a smile plastered on his face. “Isn’t he the greatest?” he shouted up to me. I couldn’t call back to him as I was too busy hanging on for dear life.
The Tanger pirouetted into the sky, humming softly to himself some great operetta, and then dived low and hard, hugging the ground, weaving between the alleys and streets, edging up and alighting on a telephone wire with the agility and grace of a fine dancer. He took a moment to recalibrate and adjust the equipment mounted on his head, sang a few bars from the operetta, and dropped off the wire and into the air again. “Sorry about that my bedowerkerz, just wanted to make sure I got things right. Also found out that they have placed some guards and such around the Princess for you. Been there for a couple weeks now, but kept all hush-hush for some reason. I’m going to be dropping you just inside the parameter fence. When you want me back, use the sub-ether transmitter and I will come back for you.” Just then the Tanger dove for the ground, alighting in a small bushy patch. In the distance, the lights of the Princess Vai shown. We climbed off, and silently bid our friend adeu as he quickly and quietly climbed in the air and was gone amidst the blackness of the sky.
Chapter 6
The SS Princess Vai was a rusty old space-liner that had been turned into an elaborate warehouse. Even in its glory years, the princess Vai had been a bottom-class cruiser with a tinsel-thin façade hanging over a poorly designed and cheaply built frame. As a space-liner it met with almost immediate disaster as issues with plumbing and passenger room electrical systems forced it out of business. It was quickly sold to smugglers who hoped to use the façade of a space-liner to keep it out of trouble. Even here there were problems as the ship’s engines proved too small to carry the cargo that the smugglers were trying to transport. The ship was quickly retired and left to rot on the docks serving as simple warehouse and little more, a dreary end to a poor beginning. It was here that we were headed to determine what was going on.
Large lights lit up the outside of the space liner like day. Large numbers of bees swarmed around the place while several large bears moved wooden crates of goods into and out of the space liner. Around eleven, a large truck driven by a hippo arrived. It was then I decided to make my move and I quietly made my way over to one of the bears and hopped a ride. The old beetle stayed behind, hidden in a grassy spot, hidden under blades of grass and bits of earth, night binoculars and parabolic listening device in hands.
The bear I jumped on was of an irritated and whiny variety, always grumbling or whining about something. He wore a green and mauve shirt with a tropical flower and tiki pattern. He was moving a large crate of something from the truck and set the crate on a pallet in the warehouse. As he set it down, he was admonished by a group of buzzing bees that he had set the crate down on the wrong pallet and wasn’t being careful enough and would likely blow the lot of them to Kingdom Come. The bear whined that he was trying as hard as he could, grabbed the crate and set it, ever so carefully on the other pallet. He then went back to the first pallet and grabbed a crate and took it back to the truck, grumbling the entire way. He took out a cigarette from the breast pocket and I quickly jumped onto another passing bear, and none too soon either. As the bear started to light up, a swarm of bees came over and started stinging him mercilessly. The other bears picked up their pace, ignoring the screams of pain coming from their comrade. As the new bear entered the warehouse, I quickly jumped off and into a corner. Taking the momentary distraction of the screaming bear as cover, I quickly made my way deeper into the space liner turned warehouse.
I soon came to a room filled with cantaloupes. Sad colored humming birds were using their long noses to poke holes the melons, and filled the holes with metal foil and wires. A lazy swarm of bees was overseeing the processing of the cantaloupes, occasionally letting a poor hummingbird stop at the brink of exhaustion, for a quick drink of honey nectar, only to be forced back to work.
I left the room and explored other rooms. The next several rooms were all filled with cantaloupes, some processed by the hummingbirds, and some not. After a bit I came upon several rooms filled with honey followed by several more rooms filled with cases of Xeon cola. By the time I entered my 3rd room of Xeon cola, I got the call from the beetle. The bears were packing up and getting ready to leave. I quickly made my way back to the entrance of the ship, just as the door was closing. I redoubled my speed, and hopped through the remaining crack just before the door shut with a clang. A group of guard bees were buzzing around outside the door, watching the truck of honey leave through the gate in the distance. Fortunately I had not been spotted, and quickly and quietly made my way back to the beetle.
When I got there Tarkazod was already waiting, and we quickly made our way into the night sky and back to the inn.
Chapter 7
We were served by a seductively dressed cherry pop tart, which looked around as if she was afraid of getting frosted. I ordered a glass of cheap blood wine, while the beetle ordered something indistinguishable, but smelled of old sewage. “I am a dung beetle.” He replied with a smile, lifting his glass and emptying it of the vile smelling liquid.
I told the dung beetle of what I had found inside the Princess, and he told me what he heard from the bears. “Apparently the bears are somehow addicted to this honey, and the bees force them to acquire things for them in return. How and where they managed to get that much cola, is beyond me.”
“I am more worried about what they plan do with it.” I said with a frown. “That much cola could blast half this world into the void. What are they planning to do with it all?”
“I’m not sure, but I may know someone who does. I will arrange for you to meet him tomorrow.”
Chapter 8
The insane are the only ones who truly see what is going on, the only ones who see reality for what it is. But oh what a price to pay! Phalmude the Blind.
Few people visit asylums. Most just assume that people get taken there to be forgotten, but the Hegemon knows differently. They put people in asylums to protect them. To protect them and to get information from them. That why I was going there, to get information.
The building was fairly typical for a sanitarium. It was a large structure with fading green paint in a particularly rundown part of the city. The lobby was fairly typical as well. Hard metal chairs lined clean white walls. A coffee table held magazines that had been salvaged from some well read individuals recycling bin, and then re-recycled several times until they ended up here, worn out, over used, with pieces missing and several years out of date. Off in the distance you could hear the tell-tale sounds of an asylum; mad-men raving, women cackling, children crying and all other forms of calls and cries that would make a bull dog shudder. Against the far wall, behind a pane of glass sat a clicking praying mantis, who surveyed me with cold calculating eyes. These were just some of the techniques that were used to protect the residents.
I had met this contact several times over the years, and we had even become friends of a sort. He had bounced around the sanitarium system for a number of years, eventually landing at this facility a couple of years ago.
I hopped up to the receptionist and asked to visit “My dear friend Thadius Auratus.”
The mantis stared at me with her large, unblinking eyes, her mandibles clicking incessantly as glaired.
“I said” I started again.
“Yes, I heard you the first time. He’s not available. Undergoing some kind of treatment right now. Something about him trying to kill someone with a butter knife. He’s currently strapped to the ceiling of a treatment room while spiders hunt below. All very technical, you know. You’ll have to come back later. Another day, preferably.”
This was how things often started, unless the receptionist was particularly good or particularly bad. The best receptionists would start asking you questions until you started questioning your own sanity and started to fear being locked up in some room only to be forgotten. The worst would just try to set an appointment for some time in the future when he or she would be off duty. The middling point was this, a receptionist who tried to create enough questions about who you wanted to see as to bring doubt as to whether or not you really wanted to visit that particular person. Even at this middling point, the mantis was scoring poorly. She probably should have gone back to reschedule appointments to another receptionists shift. I on the other hand, was not a normal visitor. I was a flea on a mission.
“So they have already started the procedure. Very good! Please let them know that Dr Ctenocephalides is here. I’ll need a copy of the report of to this stage, including the neon dancing gummy bears.”
The Mantis stared, clicking a few moments, then turned to her computer, typed in a few commands and turned back to me, still clicking. “Yes, I see, Doctor. You will find the patient in procedure room D17. I assume you know the way?” she asked with mock courtesy.
“I believe I do.” I replied flatly.
She pressed a button and a small door opened. “Please scan your credentials to the right and proceed.”
Chapter 9
I scanned my identification and a door opened on the other side. I took the passageway to the left, up a flight of stairs and down another passageway until I reached a door with D17 marked on it. I pushed a button that notified Thadius that I had arrived. The door opened and I was greeted by the smiling face of a green and blue striped aardwolf. “Please do come in. It’s been quite awhile since we have had a chance to chat. I have a pot of tea and some special scab crumpets all made up for you.”
I smiled at my old friend, and hopped inside. “It’s been too long, Thadius, How have you been doing?”
“Much better than you, I expect. I can tell you’ve been fairly busy of late. As for me, I have spending my time ghost writing fairy tales and romance novels. If I can’t write about the truth, then I might as well make up good fantasies, I always say.”
“I take it they have been selling well?”
“Oh yes! Quite well. One of the authors I write for, just won an award for one of the books I wrote for him. Make a decent living off of it as well, and much safer than the kind of job you have, you know.”
“But not nearly as exciting.” I replied.
“I don’t know about that. I find that there’s an awful lot of excitement in writing. Never know what’s going to happen next until you put it on paper.” He laughed
Thadius’ suite was very nice, by any standard. It had a small lap pool, a Grechin fountain, and nearly a dozen rooms off the living room. “I see you’ve redecorated. I like the fountain and the bronzes.”
“Thank you. Tea is this way.”
We entered a nice room wood paneled room. A table stood on one side with two chairs, and a marble fireplace was on the other with a warm fire going. A door on the far wall led, presumably, to a kitchen. On the table were two cups of tea and a yellow ant scone, and a small scab scone.
I hopped up on the table and seated myself next to my meal, while Thadius seated himself. We talked for awhile about the past year or so, and all that had gone on. After about half an hour, we got down to business. I told Thadius about the birds, the bees, the space liner and the stuff we found on board, and the bears who were being used to transport the stuff. Thadius frowned when I finished. “This is very bad. You will need to contact the Hegemon and tell them to send a battle group to the planet Mentahs. Some friends of mine have calculated that there is a large body of some kind has been invisably orbiting this planet. My guess is that it is a giant space hive. We will need more information about the space hive, we will need an insider. Do you have any friends inside the colony?”
“None.”
“Then I suggest that you make some, and quickly. Otherwise the queen bee will rule over the galaxy and this planet will likely be destroyed first as a show of power.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Many years ago, during the Great Frat Wars of Xeos, a powerful device was created that was going to change the galaxy forever. It emitted a powerful beam that, when used properly, would clean and sterilize items, allow you to etch your name in a tree from a mile away, open a can of chopped liver or cause a beer to explode in another frat house from miles away. Unfortunately the device could also be used as a weapon of war and destroy entire cities, or planets from great distances. Only one of these devices was ever found, but rumor had it that another, much smaller one was made as well, as a prototype. The only thing you didn’t mention that would be needed to make this device work are native to the planet Mentahs. If she manages to get the Mentos, with the size and scale of materials you mentioned, a planet this size would be an easy kill. A few more, and she would likely rule the entire galaxy as Queen.”
I was shaken by what I had heard, but knew what had to be done, and knew it had to be done quickly. I left the asylum, and contacted the Hegemon.
Chapter 10
The only non-bees I could think of who might have information, were the bears, the hippo driver and the librarian, Mimi. I hadn’t really met any of them, but knew that at least one bear likely hated the bees, and would likely give me the information I needed. I phoned my friend the dung beetle and he informed me that the bears lived several miles outside the city, in a commune of bears and other animals.
I hitched a ride on a gold winged starling named Irving. The sun shone bright on his wings with a beautiful light, and the ride was much more peaceful than that of the tanager. I watched as we flew over hazy purple forests and lush fields of glowing topaz grain. We passed over a fiery blue lake and flew into a salmon colored tamarind forest with a stream going through the center and little huts there an about. Bears, deer, lemurs, sloths and elephants lazed about on hammocks or sat quietly fishing with their feet in the stream.
Near one hut sat a couple of doucs sat at a table with a bear and a badger, each holding a smoking hose attached to large a hookah. In the center of the hookah was a strangely sweet smelling mixture that somehow reminded one of a honey and poppies. The bear was easily recognizable due to the vast quantities of bee stings covering his body. I watched as he slowly took the smoking tube from his mouth. He smiled up at the sky, a tear in his eye and exhaled a cloud of grey pink smoke. At least truth serum wouldn’t be needed. I just hoped he was cognitive enough to answer my questions.
I hopped over to the table and listened for a bit. The nice thing about being a flea is that you are so small that most people don’t even notice you.
“This honey resin sure is good, Benard.” Said one of the duocs, taking another long drag on the hookah pipe.
“Truff be dat.” Replied the badger as he exhaled a pink grey cloud. “One of da bess batches we’ve gotten from dem beez.”
The bears took a long drag at the hookah pipe, “Ooooohhhh yeah….. Gooooood….. Makes all the pain goooo awaaaaayyyyy. Daaaammmmm beeeezzzzz. At leeeeeast their goooood for soooomthin….”
The bear was obviously stoned out of his mind. From the pink clouds and reactions, my guess is that they were indulging in euphorium based honey. While not strictly illegal, honey made from euphorium flowers is a heavily addictive substance for some creatures, like bears, and was therefore heavily regulated.
The bear started to cry. “It still hurts, though. Why do they do this to us? Why do they make us like this?”
“It’s OK, man.” Said a duoc. “Have another drag and everything will be fine.”
“No. No…. I want to quit.” The bear got up, and wobbled back and forth. “I don’t want to be like this anymore. Look at me? Those buzzing bastards tried to kill me!”
“Yeah, but if you quit now, the pain will kill you, or drive you mad at least. Have another drag and quit when you’re better.”
The bear sat back down with a whimper and picked up his smoking tube. “It’s just not right, Fandon. It’s just not right.”
“Yeah, I know, but it’s how it is. Have another puff and you’ll feel better.”
The others all agreed and the they all took a long drags from the hookah.
I jumped up on the bears paw just as he finished expelling the last of the honey sweet cloud.
“Hello little flower.” Said the bear when he noticed me. “You’d better hide or the bees will come to steal you away.”
“A flower can’t be too careful with bees around.” I agreed. “But why would they bother a big bear like yourself?”
“Them bees aren’t too nice. We give them that blasted cola, and in return they sting me!” He said with a whine. “You’d best stay away from them bees, little flower.”
“Where did you get the cola from?” I asked.
“A few years back, our commune wasn’t doing so hot, so some bees came over and showed us how to make it. Said if we made it for them, they would provide us with all this good honey. We tried the honey, and we’ve been making them the cola ever since.” He stopped to take another long drag from the hookah pipe. I waited until he was done before continuing.
“What do bees want with the cola?”
“What do bees want with anything? Who knows, who cares. We make it, they take it, we get the honey resin…. Good stuff this honey resin. Nice and golden brown…. You should stay away from bees little flower. They’ll try to sting you like they did me, and not even this golden honey resin will be able to help you then.”
“By the looks of what they did to you, you should stay away as well.”
“Not to worry there, little flower, just one more shipment and we have enough golden honey to last us.”
“When are you going to deliver it?”
“Just a couple more days…. Just a couple more days….”
“Thank you very much, Benard.” I hoped off the bear and jumped back to my ride.
The bear took another pull at the hookah pipe, looked up at the sky and smiled, “Pretty little flower….” and exhaled a cloud of pink grey bliss.
Chapter 11
Fire fell from the sky, destroying defense platforms, as swarms of heavily armed bees scoured the land for hiding Mentos. The bees had stuck quickly and invisibly, using their newly developed bee hidden technology, first destroying satellites and communications centers, and then targeting actual weapon platforms and industrial complexes. In less than 2 days a majority of the population had been rounded up and shipped off world, wearing the chains and shackles of slaves. Why they had come to Mentahs, no one knew, but they had to hide and get away. Then as suddenly as they had come, they were gone.
Melle quietly hushed his family and moved to the basement trap door that had been hiding his family, and listened carefully for the tell-tale buzz of the killer bees. Nothing. He slowly and carefully started opening the trap door above his head. A nearly audible gasp came from his wife as he did so. He looked about in awe and despair. His house had been reduced to a pile of rubble. Streets that were once filled with happy Mentos going about their lives were empty of people, but filled with the debris of war. Complete silence filled the air. Why had they come? Why did they do this? Why hadn’t the Hegemon sent a fleet to protect them? He slowly closed the trap door and started to cry.
Three days later the Hegemonic fleet arrived.
Chapter 12
I contacted the dung beetle and we met at the inn. I needed a way to get aboard that invisible hive ship so I could turn off the bee hidden device. The question was how. The obvious answer was to hide in the last shipment of cola that the bears were taking to the bees. I would sneak aboard and he would watch and monitor things so that I wouldn’t get caught, and if I did, he could figure out a way to rescue me. It would be a couple of days before the bears delivered the cola, so I could spend some time looking into other matters, namely the book worm Mimi. I wonder what information she might have….
Chapter 13
-o0O0o-
-o0O0o-
This was going to be chapter 12, but I didn’t like it and it really didn’t make sense.
When I got back to my room, I found Mimi there wearing a low cut maid outfit and high heels. I knew immediately I was being setup for something, likely my own demise.
“Where’s Lila?”
“She went out, shopping I presume. She always goes out when I come to clean the room.”
“I see....“ I smiled at her. “You’re name is Mimi, isn’t it?”
She looked at me in surprise, “Um, yes? How did you know my name?”
-o0 Additional Stuff 0o-
Developed by adventuresome college students on the planet Xeose, Xeon cola became the most powerful energy drink in the known universe. A single drop is enough to keep a person running at full speed for over a week without any sleep. When hooked up to a power grid, a case of the foamy beverage, can power and entire city for over a century. Originally heralded as the salvation from a looping energy crisis, and tiresome cram sessions, it soon found its way into the great frat wars of Xeose. Previously the frat wars had been fought with the endless pranks of one frat house against another, but with the addition of Xeon Cola and the endless energy it provided to the various frat members, the frat wars turned violent and then deadly.
In 2389 the Pax-Xeon treaty was signed and Xeon cola was prevented from being used in warheads and helpless farm animals by the addition of an annulling agent that made it so that the beverage lost most of its energy and therefore most of its appeal. Sales of Xeon cola plummeted the Xeon cola bottling company went out of business. Soon after a tragic fire burned the Xeon cola corporate headquarters to the ground and the secret formula for making Xeon cola was lost for all time. While arson was suspected, no evidence or suspects were ever found. Unfortunately by then it was too late for the people of Xeose whose planet was destroyed by the foamy beverage in the great frat wars.
The town of Lemont is quite unusual in a number of ways. For some unknown reason, the people there had refused to believe in gravity for so long that gravity actually ceased to exist within its borders. This proved to be a great boon for those who were prone to falling, and when it became public knowledge, these people move to Lemont in droves. It is also interesting to note that the people of Lemont are some of the most clumsy to exist anywhere in the known universe.
The people of Anygmah believed that nothing existed outside of their minds, and that reality was simply an illusion. This belief continued until the whole town simply vanished, one day, when someone suggested that illusions themselves could not exist nor the minds that perceived them. The people of the town heard, believed and ceased to exist. Despite years of searching and digging for any sign of these people, nothing could be found. In the end it was determined that the people of Anygmah had never actually been there to begin with.
The planet Zaeros is one of the most desolate places in the known universe. Many years ago it was known for it’s great colleges and universities and many of the most well educated people were known to have gone to school there. But after years of endless frat parties and inter-fraternity fighting turned this once epic world of learning into a vast ruin. It was here, in an abandon gym turned illegal arms warehouse that I was headed.
-o0 Summary 0o-
Killer bees are masquerading as spelling bees, taking jobs as spelling professionals and editors of books and news papers. They are really building a giant killer space hive capable of destroying entire planets with a single blast of their singer ray gun. The queen bee will use this to take control the flow of honey giving her ultimate power throughout the galaxy.
-o0 General Outline 0o-
· Introduction
· Get Assignment
· Spy on Initial Target
· Get clue to warehouse
· Go to warehouse and look around
· Get clue to something big being created that is orbiting the planet but is undetectable due to bee quiet and bee hidden (stealth) technologies.
· Go back and make friends with Mimi to find out what is going on, what is being built.
· Go to seedy pub for a date with Mimi. Flea is drugged and taken to the warehouse where a space transport ship is supposed to take him to be locked up in the killer hive. The Dung beetle sees this and saves the flea.
· Beetle and flee take transport ship to killer hive and sneak in.
· They then try to sabotage the killer hive.
· Queen bee makes demands to planet for control of honey
· Planet sends up fighter ships which have no effect on killer hive
· Queen bee starts up bee destroyed gun.
· Beetle and flea finally cut power to the entire ship
· Fighters are finally successful in knocking out hive
· Beetle and flea find and capture queen. Flea radios for transport.
· Queen and killer bees are arrested and taken back for trial
· Mimi finds flea and tells her story
· Mimi and flea live happily ever after
How To Pick Up A LibrarianDon't try to pick them up in the library. Big no-no. Most are so focussed on the heavy workload of checkins/checkouts, reorganizing books in return carts, and reading Hollywood gossip online, that they more than likely won't recognize what it is you are trying to do.Do get yourself over to an off-site librarian hangout. Skip the local bars, you won't find any librarians there. The surplus of exposed cleavage which has made the club scene famous tends to intimidate the buttoned-up librarian types. Instead, head to a Librarian Bar ... otherwise known as a bookstore with a Starbucks inside.Don't try the usual pickup lines. If you've ever been in a library, you will know that librarians generally do not care about their outward appearance and make minimal effort to look pretty. Ergo, any lines formulated around the concept of their physical appearance will go relatively unnoticed. Do compliment their tastes, be it the books they have in hand, or the equisite detail on the rims of their cateye spectacles. But be warned: librarians are behind the times and still see themselves as the gatekeepers of the world's information access, Internet be damned. By extension, they love knowledgable people. If you don't know your books, your MARC, or your Hollywood gossip, better luck next time, pal.Don't be "all that". Librarians don't care how much money you make, largely because we don't make enough to really care about it ourselves. That and a large percentage of librarians live inside the Great Bubble of Altruism, believing in what they do above all else. In their minds, your six-figure Executive VP CEO-track position is nothing compared to their for-the-betterment-of-society responsibilities.Do speak highly of as many non-profit organizations as you can, especially those centred around literacy and children's education. If you drop the props at the right time, and in the right amount, you will see that bun begin to slip.Don't mention how much you love the convenience of the Internet, or the thought of a paperless (and therefore bookless) society. In fact, if your job is based around making information more accessible to the average person (rendering librarians redundant in the process), you may as well head home now and start looking for a new fetish.Do mention your strong hatred of Everything Google, even if this is a flat-out lie. Hey, we all lie when we're trying to pick up anyway, so what's the difference? For some odd reason, librarians get really excited whenever something bad is said about Google. It's the librarian's equivalent to Spanish Fly. Seriously.Don't mention the overdues you have at your library, or the time you were kicked out for screaming at staff over the $2 per day DVD fines. This should go without saying.Do speak in code, wherever possible. In other words, learn a little LC or Dewey, same as you would learn a little French if you were going to Quebec with the intention of picking up. If you can manage to successfully work a little 821.008 in there, you're golden, baby.A final tip:If you look like Johnny Depp, even just a little bit, you won't have to do a thing; the librarians will come to you. This is a truism across the board. Don't ask me why - it just is.So if you find yourself feeling that Bunhead itch, hit up your nearest bookstore/coffeeshop mashup, stake out the Reference, Mystery, and Romance aisles, and get ready to rip that juke joint in two. Use these tips properly, and you will see for yourself the freaky-deeky hiding beneath the bun.
